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A song for someone who passed away

You are probably reading this in the week after, with a service to plan and a slideshow that needs music. Here is how to choose a song that is about them, and what to do when no existing song is.

7 min read Updated Aug 2026 4.9/5 on Trustpilot

A woman at a kitchen table holding an old printed photograph, a mug and a folded letter beside it
The right song is the one that sounds like them, not like a funeral.

A real memorial song a sister made for her brother, four years on

Start with them, not with the occasion

Most lists of songs for a funeral are lists of songs about death. That is the wrong starting point. The song that lands at a service is the one the person is in: the one they sang badly in the kitchen, the artist they had every record by, the song from their wedding. When it plays, the room recognises them, and that recognition is what people are there for.

So before you search for anything, answer three questions. What did they actually listen to? Is there a song attached to a moment in their life, a wedding, a road trip, a team? And who in the family knows the answer to the first two? Ask that person before you ask a search engine.

Grief research supports this instinct. In a review in Death Studies, Stroebe and Schut (2005) found there is no single right way to do this: their evidence showed that neither holding on to a bond with the person who died nor letting it go is generally better, so the old rule that grieving means "letting go" is not what the research supports. Music is one of the most common ways people stay connected to someone, whichever way helps them. In a separate experiment, Norton and Gino (2014) found that people who performed a ritual after a loss reported less grief afterwards. Choosing and playing their song is a ritual. The papers are at the bottom of the page.

How to choose an existing song

Work through these in order. The first one that gives you an answer is usually right.

  1. 1

    The song they owned

    The artist they had everything by, the record that was always on. If the family says "that was his song", stop looking.

  2. 2

    The song from a moment

    The first dance, the song on the drive to the hospital when the first child came, the one from the summer everyone remembers.

  3. 3

    The song in their voice

    Something they sang: in the car, at karaoke, in the kitchen. The family will hear them singing it whether or not the recording does.

  4. 4

    A hymn or a standard, only if it was theirs

    If they went to church, the hymn they sang loudest. If not, a standard chosen because it is safe will feel safe, and nothing else.

  5. 5

    Check the lyrics against the room

    Play it once alone and listen to every line. A song that is about a breakup, or a love song that is clearly to a lover, can land wrong in front of a widow or the children.

Where in the service it goes

Different moments want different songs. Most services have three.

  1. 1

    Coming in

    Instrumental or gentle, something they loved that will not make the first row cry before it starts. Two to three minutes, played as people settle.

  2. 2

    The reflection, or the slideshow

    The main song. Three to four minutes so it does not outrun the photos. Lyrics that do not argue with the pictures. This is where a song about them belongs, if you have one.

  3. 3

    Going out

    Their song, at their volume. The upbeat one, the one that makes the family smile on the way out. Many families choose the song that surprises the room here.

Three adult siblings on a back porch step, one holding a phone, the others listening, one wiping an eye
The first listen is usually together, and usually quiet.

When no existing song is about them

Sometimes you go through every step above and nothing fits. They did not have a song. The one they loved is about something else. Or the family wants to say something specific: that she kept the door open for everyone, that he lost an arm and kept curling, that she introduced you to people you had met fifteen times and made you laugh every time. No song on any list says that.

That is what a memorial song is for. The family writes down what they remember, a few sentences or a page, and it becomes an original song about the person: their name in the chorus, the garden and the dog and the jokes in the verses, in the music they loved. It can be played at the service in the reflection slot, and then it lives on the phones of everyone who loved them, for the birthday and the anniversary that keep coming round.

At BeatJar you type the story, read the lyrics we write from it, and hear the whole song before you pay anything. If a line is wrong, you change it. If it does not sound like them, you walk away. A small randomized pilot study of grief-focused music therapy by Iliya (2015), with adults living with complicated grief, which included singing to the person who died, found grief symptoms fell further than with standard care alone; families tell us something similar in plainer words.

Write down what you remember about them. Read the lyrics, hear the song, and decide with it in your ears.

Start their song

Read the lyrics and hear a preview before you pay

What families wrote, and what it became

Three memorial stories from real orders, exactly as the families typed them. Each became a song you can play on the memorial songs page.

A brother, from his sister

Randy was my brother who passed away with heart trouble we were brother and sister. I miss him so much. He was a funny guy with alot of humour. he was a real dog lover. Every dog he was in contact with him loved him. his biggest heart always went out to his wife and two girls and grandkids. he loved them so much. My brother and I were so close since kids and it's hard to grasp he is gone 4 years. He loved country music especially Charlie Pride. he had every song by this artist. it is still so hard to know he is never coming back.

A dad, from his daughter

Dad I miss you and our talks. The milkshake dates in the car on the way home from work are what I'll always be grateful for. I miss your smile and your hugs. I miss seeing you singing and dancing. I know you're safe in heaven, watching over me.

A father and grandfather, for the service

about he loved to fish he loved the game of curling he loved the Blue Jays and I made flower arrangements for those so would be appropriate. He lost his arm and still curled. He loved his grandchildren and children. He loved his garden many many cucumbers for us to pickle, especially his wife Julie his name was Ted his children are Michael Leanne, Al Lynn, and Laurie

What to say when the song plays

One or two sentences before, nothing after. The song does the rest.

  1. 1

    Say why this song

    One sentence. "This was the song Dad played every Saturday morning while he made pancakes."

    This is the song from their first dance in 1979. Some of you were there.

  2. 2

    Say who chose it

    If the grandchildren picked it, say so. It tells the room where the song came from.

  3. 3

    Then stop

    Press play and sit down. Do not narrate over it, and do not apologise for crying.

What to avoid

  • The standard funeral song, chosen because it is safe

    It is safe because it is about nobody. If it was theirs, play it. If not, keep looking.

  • A song longer than the slideshow

    Silence over the last photos is fine. A song that runs on after the photos end is not.

  • Lyrics you have not listened to

    Play it once alone, all the way through, with the room in mind.

  • Too many songs

    Three is a service. Six is a playlist. Save the rest for the wake.

  • Deciding alone

    Ask the one person who knew their music. It takes one phone call and it prevents the wrong song.

If the service is soon

Choosing an existing song takes one phone call to the right relative. A song about them takes the time it takes to type what you remember; you choose the delivery window at checkout, and the lyrics are yours to read before then. Have the story ready first, and give yourself time to listen once alone before you play it for everyone.

The memorial songs page has the songs the three stories above became, and more, with the story next to the lyrics. Play one before you decide anything.

A song about them, for the people who are left

Write down what you remember. Read the lyrics, hear the song, and pay only if it sounds like them.

Start their song

You read the lyrics and hear a preview before you pay.

Questions people ask

What is a good song for someone who passed away?
The one they loved, not the one usually played at funerals. Start with the artist they owned every record by, a song attached to a moment in their life, or something they sang. If nothing fits, a song can be written about them from what the family remembers.
What songs are good for a funeral slideshow?
One song, three to four minutes, that they would have hummed and whose lyrics do not argue with the photos. Play it once alone first. A song written about the person works especially well here because the words match the pictures.
How many songs should a funeral have?
Usually three: one as people come in, one for the reflection or slideshow, one going out. More than that starts to feel like a playlist.
Can you have a song written about someone who died?
Yes. You write down what you remember, a few sentences is enough, and it becomes an original song with their name in the chorus, in the music they loved. At BeatJar you read the lyrics and hear the song before paying, and you choose the delivery window at checkout for a service that is close.
Is it appropriate to play a custom song at a funeral?
Families do, usually after the eulogy or over the slideshow. It is a song about the person, in the style they liked, so it fits the service the way a reading would. Check timing and a speaker with the officiant or funeral director.
What do I say before the song plays?
One sentence on why this song and who chose it, then press play and sit down. Do not narrate over it.

What this is based on

Our own data for the numbers, Trustpilot for the reviews, published research for the rest.

Every number on this page

Our order records | Delivered songs, genres, voices, who they were for. Refreshed daily.

Every review on this page

Trustpilot | Quoted word for word from our public profile, never edited.

To Continue or Relinquish Bonds: A Review of Consequences for the Bereaved

Stroebe & Schut, Death Studies, 2005 | A review of the evidence found that neither keeping a bond with the person who died nor letting it go is generally better for grief; it depends on the person.

Rituals Alleviate Grieving for Loved Ones, Lovers, and Lotteries

Norton & Gino, Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 2014 | People who performed a ritual after a loss reported less grief afterwards.

Music Therapy as Grief Therapy for Adults With Mental Illness and Complicated Grief: A Pilot Study

Iliya, Death Studies, 2015 | A small randomised pilot: grief-focused music therapy, including singing to the deceased, reduced grief symptoms more than standard care alone.

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